Marriage Bells?

Marriage is one of those topics that has proven remarkably emotional. We have certainly spent our share of emotional and physical energy arguing in support of recognizing gay marriage. This is not another of those articles. Instead it's a brief recap of where we stand.

This was prompted by the announcement that one of our board members was going out to California where he and his partner would be formally tying the knot. Congratulation to Jay and Chuck! I know this event means more to them than simply receiving a piece of paper even though there won't be any practical changes to their life here in Virginia.

Now that Massachusetts is permitting out of state marriages even when those marriages aren't recognized in the state of residency, there are two options for gay couples to marry in the U.S., California on the west coast and Massachusetts on the east. Civil unions are possible in New Jersey and Vermont. It is also possible to marry in Canada, Belgium,  the Netherlands, Norway,  Spain and South Africa.

Even though their marriages probably won't be recognized in their home states and certainly won't be recognized by the federal government, thousands of people have traveled to one of these destinations to marry.

In some ways this is largely a symbolic act. Of course, symbolic acts still have meaning; sometimes more meaning than they would otherwise. In other ways it can put a couple into a legal limbo that could unintentionally complicate their lives should they decide to end their marriage and they live in a state without any recognition of that marriage. Exactly how those situations will get resolved remains to be seen but it's clear that people aren't waiting for those precedents to be set.

Here in Virginia, where the legislature seemed to make a hobby of banning gay marriage, we now have an amendment to the state constitution banning us from marriage and prohibiting any state recognition of our relationships. This amendment will eventually be repealed or overturned. It is clear that progress on social issues will change things, even here in Virginia, but the time frame is unpredictable other than later is more probable than sooner. Yet, still people who live in Virginia head out of state and even out of country to marry.

Equality Fairfax would like to know if you have married out of state or if you are planning to. Please let us know either by leaving a comment to this article or by sending an email to info@equalityfairfax.org. While comments to the website are public, your emailed responses will be kept confidential. This will give us a better sense of how important marriage is to you.

Are there wedding bells in your future? Have you already had a ceremony? We'd love to hear your story!