Getting Active

Going to Richmond is always a risky proposition. Traffic can be light and you can make it in less than two hours or traffic can be horrible and it can take three and a half. Fortunately, for me, the former occurred and the trip down was uneventful.The return trip was similarly smooth and this made it a stress free drive.

The conference itself was, in a word, educational. I think it met my goal of helping me become a better activist. I say "think" because I need to see if I can put what I learned to use. Activisim doesn't come easily to me. I had always been sympathetic to socially progressive causes by nature but never felt comfortable participating in organizations supporting them, even when they were supporting causes directly beneficial to me. In 2004 I  received a wake up call. In 2000 the alarm bells began to ring but being slow to learn lessons at times, it took four years to sink in.

Because of that, I often feel as if I'm playing "catch up." Things that others, who have been active for years, already know, I sometimes need explained. I was as apolitical as a person could be and speaking to politicians was intimidating. What I did come by naturally was my own sense or moral, righteous indignation and my own life experience. As it turns out, those are not insignifcant tools and I shouldn't have been so dismissive of them.

In four years, I've learned a tremendous amount. But, I know I still have a lot left to learn. And so, I drove the 90 miles down to Richmond to learn what I could.

For example, I learned that an "I message" was not a bit of Apple Software but rather a way of communicating that is (hopefully) less confrontational than a "you message." At some level, I already knew this; I'd learned it through experience but the lesson was given a new depth through the day's activities.

My intent here isn't to describe the conference (although the key note speaker, Suzanne's Pharr's speech was fascinating and scary at the same time). Rather, I want to convey my sense of growth. In four years, I've grown in ways I never, ever expected. Our movement has had setbacks and made gains.  But, clearly, there is a lot of work still to be done, especially here in Virginia.

How can I be a better activist? On the drive back hoem, I was asking myself that.

I can be out more. I'm pretty well out at work for anyone that bothers to notice but there are lots of other daily interactions where I let the implicit assumption of straight woman go unchallenged. I don't need to be militant. Some "gay flair," a pin, bracelet, wristband or other adornment can make a simple statement. Clothing with slogans or messages can make those statements more explicit. I can make comments when appropriate. I'm generally not an "in your face" type but maybe I can learn how to be a bit more proactive about starting these conversations rather than wait for others to come to me or be reacting to some situation.

I can write more. I enjoy writing but often find myself challenged for time. I need to rearrange my priorities to allow myself to write more regularly. Even if nobody else wants to read it, it helps me organize my thoughts for those times when I can have more in depth conversations.

Because I've been more political these last four years, I've been in the company of politicians more often. I need to make sure when I meet them I reinforce that I'm involved with EF.  While I want them to see me as a person, I also want them to remember our issues, even if the reason I'm meeting them is unrelated.

I need to work on repairing my relationship with my next oldest sister. She lives in the midwest and rarely comes back east but to say that she and I don't see eye to eye about my life would be an understatement (fortunately that attitude isn't shared by the rest of my family). I've bee content to enjoy the verbal jousts, secure that I'd won the arguments even though I was making no actua progress in changing her position. I'm not even sure I was trying to change her mind as much as I was trying to feel good about myself by feeling like I'd won the debate. She's not going to change her mind based on my logic. I've got to find a way o open a real dialog and see how we can communicate rather than talk at each other. That's going to require me to listen beyond just finding the holes in her arguments. It's also going to mean letting go of some anger toward her that has a long track record and has become a comfortable friend. In many ways she has bcome the face I put on bigotry and intolerance cloaked in religion.  Letting that go is going to be challenging.

These are my goals. Now I need to work on them. I hope to report in my blog here how it goes.

The only thing that makes me an activist is the conscious choice to be one. It is, perhaps, the purest form of selfishness because I'm working for my own self interest. That shoudl be a powerful motivator for all of us. Most of the people who oppose our equality aren't working for their own self interest except perhaps some few who define their lives in terms of keeping us down. This is out biggest advantage. 

Being an activist needn't be simply a political thing. It involves being active in your own self interest in a way that also benefits the larger LGBT community. Maybe it's by being out more. Maybe it's by not letting that homophobic joke go by at work without saying something. Maybe it's having a dialog with someone at your place of worship. Even small steps make a difference if we take enough of them. The best part is that, like potato chips or cholate chip cookies, it's difficult to take just one.

Let's get active!